Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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