what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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