Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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