More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
