____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Randomize
