im six kinds of drunk right now
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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