Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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