We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize