Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and she was petting her beer can
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
