My first STD was from a foam party
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
