god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
