can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
