I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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