I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize