ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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