Please, let me fuck your mom
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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