Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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