I think my vagina is haunted
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
