It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
