If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
