bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
