Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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