Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
