we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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