I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
