i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
