in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
