Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
vagina is talking i cant
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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