you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
