They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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