I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Someone came in the potted fern
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
