I love black thongs
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
