shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
