hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
