i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize