Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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