I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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