Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
