I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
