don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize