I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
