i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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