I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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