They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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