My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
