are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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