does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize