I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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