i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You made out with two different species that night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
