need another drink. this is the easiest way
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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