I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
not ubering you a puppy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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