he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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