So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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