Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
