Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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