the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
