The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
