I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
