I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
and you fell through a lawn chair
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize