If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
