I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
