eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
