Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
