I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
