I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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