Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
