remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
