I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
