Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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