i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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