I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize