I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
