PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize