Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
