I love black thongs
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
