just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
