he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize