Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
