so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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