i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize