so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
